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Child Manipulates you?
Do you feel pressurized by your child? You don't want to. is your child making you do things which you do not like. Do the tantrums make you give in each time? Do you feel like teaching your child a lesson? How much is too much? Does your child display the following behaviour patterns?
You refuse a chocolate and he goes to his grandparent to extract the same.
- The child throws a tantrum just when guests walk in.
- The crying and complaining begins as soon as the father walks in.
- He bullies his younger brother till you get him the toy he was demanding.
- He sulks and refuses to eat when you don't give him permission to go out and play.
- He keeps nagging you till you have had enough and finally you give in.
- Do you feel that sometimes he plays one parent against the other?........
so many small problems like this is making distress to you?
If you have answered "Yes" to even four of the above situations, chances are that you are feeling manipulated by your child. If it happens frequently, both you and your child may be in trouble - you may feel angry, frustrated, cheated and bitter and may then react by punishing, ignoring, scolding or criticizing the child. However, this only perpetuates the vicious cycle.
What to Do?
Remember that you, as a parent, will need to take responsibility and make positive changes before you expect your child to do the same.
The next time you feel manipulated by your child take a step back and try to get a clear view - why is your child doing this? Think of what you can do differently to address core needs and change the repetitive behaviour patterns.
Try not to react from a negative mind-space; respond instead from a reflective, firm but compassionate standpoint. Know this: If the repetitive patterns of manipulation and power struggle are allowed to continue till teenage years, it can take up complex and dangerous proportions that may need professional help. The best thing to do is to prevent such patterns from forming or to nip them in the bud whenever they surface.
And remember that there are no shortcuts to your actions you need to make in terms of time, caring, sharing, listening and empathising with your children. If both parents are working both requires special mind set for handling the child.
Why It Happens?
Children usually manipulate when their needs are not met. Most often than not, it is our love and affection that they are seeking. A tantrum or bullying a sibling may be the only way to communicate that he is feeling unloved or ignored. A toy, for instance, for which he has a complete meltdown, could be a substitute for the love he hankers for. Children manipulate when they want to feel powerful and important. They take on to behaving irrationally when they feel left-out. Manipulation is a way to cover up when they fear punishment, humiliation or shame. And lastly, they may do it because they simply want to have their way! Recognise the behaviour for what it is.
You have to exhibite varied behaviour in yourself so that child can learn from it. You have to have special know-how for good mind growth of your child.
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